'They're losers': OnlyFans vs the manosphere

Have you seen Louis Theroux's new Netflix documentary, Inside the Manosphere?

If you have, you'll probably have some strong opinions about it. My colleague Adam White recently bemoaned the fact that Theroux inadvertently gave these toxic men an extra boost to their platforms simply by making the documentary, while a friend who's a TV critic on BBC's Must Watch reviewed the show and said she felt Theroux wasn't asking the kind of direct, probing – and brave – questions he used to ask in his previous documentaries; that he gave them, effectively, an easy ride.

Emma Flint pointed out the irony of people only taking the dangers of misogyny seriously when a man makes a film about it, while Chloe Combi interviewed several teenage boys – some of whom admitted to following manosphere content creators (but mostly for fitness tips) – and their parents.

"A lot of the content was well-worn manosphere fare: women are second-class citizens and only useful for washing up and sex; it's fine to make money from OnlyFans models while calling them 'slags' and 'whores'; men can be unfaithful but their partners can't be; wealth is king, provided it doesn't come from conventional jobs – real men make money from crypto," Chloe writes. And it's on this third point that I want to pick up here.

I wanted to find out what the women who come into closest contact with the men in the manosphere really think about them. For some, this means their wives and girlfriends, but for others – such as Australian adult content creator Skylar Mae, who became a self-made millionaire on OnlyFans aged just 21 – it's through working with them, or alongside them. This is what she told me:

"These men are insecure and a joke"

These guys are such douchebags. They are obviously against the feminist idea of women working. They still hold old, 1900-era beliefs: that a woman should just be cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids while the men work. But now, in this day and age, women should be able to work – and they can also cook and clean if they decide to. These men think women should be caged in the house, taking care of everything, which is completely wrong.

Manosphere influencers claim they know what's best for women. I watched one guy say he knew 'more about women than they know about themselves'. The one thing I took from that was that all women want to be dominated, and that men are entitled to put themselves inside their women as they please. For a young boy to hear that, it could seem to condone sexual assault – and might make them think it's okay. While some women do like to be dominated in the bedroom, the way they are selling this idea to the world is that men should be dominant in all aspects of life, which I think teaches young men the wrong way that a woman should be treated.

I view myself as a lioness. No man could just have a normal conversation with me and think he's dominating me. I generally don't even associate myself with frat-type men who think they're superior to women. I can't stand the sheer stupidity – especially when I make even more than they do. My advice to men trying to find a relationship? Act normally. Outside of the bedroom (and sometimes not even then), most women absolutely do not want to be dominated and told what to do. That is 1,000 per cent my advice for people trying to get into a relationship.

I think these manosphere 'influencers' are insane for believing they can go off and sleep with other women, but women can't go and sleep with other men. If it's going to be an open relationship, it needs to be open from both sides – and if they can't handle that, then they're losers. Also, the fact that some of them own OnlyFans agencies, yet talk s**t about OnlyFans creators and roast them – whether it's for content or not – shows how insecure they are.

Some of these men seem to get all excited about £5,000, when I literally make that in an hour on my OnlyFans account. They have to spend their time streaming all day long – for 23 or 24 hours – and they're acting like they're on top of the world, doing better than most of us OnlyFans models, which is so wrong. They just can't handle women doing well; they're so insecure. They're a joke.

Get in touch

You can write to me about anything you like. I'll feature some of the emails sent in, alongside guest pieces from writers who want to have their say. Send it straight to me at victoria.richards@independent.co.uk.

Or, if you want advice on love, work, family and relationships, email me at dearvix@independent.co.uk.

When I interviewed Mel, she gave me some great dating advice I think about often. "Self-compassion goes a long way," she told me. "Every dating disaster will tell you something important about what you do or don't want in your next partner. Make sure the stories you are telling yourself about dating, relationships and partners are, if not positive, at least neutral. If they are negative or unhelpful, reframe them." Few people speak about dating in such tender terms. But Mel knew how to help them find the best in themselves.

How The Salt Path author continues to face allegations of lies and betrayal

I've followed this story with genuine fascination and horror – from obliviously watching the big-screen adaptation of The Salt Path, starring Gillian Anderson and Jason Isaacs, last summer (I enjoyed it, but thought nothing further of it at the time), to reading The Observer journalist Chloe Hadjimatheou's dazzling exposé, which revealed the lies at the heart of the (literally) too-good-to-be-true tale. Since then, the writer Raynor Winn (real name Sally Walker) has been hit with extraordinary allegations that continue to emerge to this day. And the latest – about a secret first book – has me gripped. Click here to read more...

Why we need to listen to women farmers

You might remember that a few weeks ago we heard from the first female taxi drivers in Egypt. This week, it's women farmers – as part of a series in which I'm speaking to women who work in traditionally male-dominated industries, to find out what it's really like.

In the hot seat is Donna Kilpatrick, director of regeneration at Heifer Ranch, Heifer International – a non-profit organisation based in Little Rock, Arkansas, in the US that works to address poverty and food insecurity in developing regions by distributing livestock and providing agricultural training to families in need. I was intrigued to hear more about why she feels we need to listen to women farmers – and what we can learn from their experiences.

Women farmers are underestimated the world over – and it's holding us all back

It may be hard to believe, given today's gender gap in agriculture, that prehistoric women were the world's first farmers. Since then, their contribution has been consistently overlooked, despite producing roughly half of the world's food – you might not know this, but women produce up to 80 per cent of food in developing countries. Yet they are routinely underestimated.

In the US, we're still met with surprise when we back up a large trailered truck, or handle a seven-tonne tractor. Elsewhere, many are denied land ownership and risk losing it when a male titleholder dies. 

These barriers are not only unjust, they are holding back global food security. Women make up around 40 percent of the agricultural workforce. Yet with more than 670 million people going hungry and climate pressures intensifying each year, the world cannot afford to limit their productivity. If women had equal access to resources, agricultural productivity could rise by up to 30 percent – reducing global hunger by an estimated 17 percent (the equivalent to up to 150 million people).

The UN's designation of 2026 as the International Year of the Woman Farmer offers a critical opportunity to raise the voices of women farmers and address this imbalance. But achieving equality requires listening to women. Governments, businesses and community organisations must ensure women are included in decisions on land rights, finance and policy.

I hope all women farmers get the chance to speak up this year, but more importantly, I hope the decision makers of the world listen closely to our stories – now and always. 

How I cured my phone addiction and got four hours of my life back every day

Anyone who knows me will know that I've been bleating on about 'bricking' my phone for months now – but that's because it has (literally) changed my life. It's given me hours back that I was wasting on pointless scrolling, and it's even saved me money (because I've 'bricked' Amazon and Vinted too, as well as all social media).

If you think you might have a problem with your phone – or you're addicted to TikTok or Instagram – I seriously recommend it. And I promise I'll shut up about it soon! But before I do, click here to read what I wrote about it...

Sure, there will be those who say, "just stop using the apps!" and who will scoff at the idea that we don't have enough willpower to do it alone; they'll ask why I didn't "just delete them" (spoiler: tried that, but I just ended up downloading them again), or "just turn off your phone" (when you have young children, the "what if" worry about missing calls from school makes this impossible). Yes, I could have left my phone upstairs – or downstairs when I was upstairs – and I did that all of that too; but just like the tell-tale heart throbbing beneath the floorboards in the Edgar Allan Poe short story, I *knew it was there*.

I am a 53-year-old, white British, heterosexual male. Exactly 30 years ago, my father confessed to my mother and myself that he had been going with sex workers. In spite of being a young adult at the time, it destroyed my life. I turned to drink. My mother asked me if she should divorce my father. I do not believe in divorce. She is still with him now.

All these years later, and it still impacts upon my life. I find it difficult to trust other men. I relate better to women. More recently, my father has even tried to deny it ever happened, even though my mother hasn't slept in the same room as him since!

What really upset me at the time was how my father had used his supposed lack of money as a weapon against the family during our formative years, whilst all that time paying for sex! More recently I have also suffered with mental health issues. How do I forgive my father for what he did to my mother – and to me?

Are you worried by the manosphere?

Last week, I asked you whether your kids are vaccinated against meningitis, following news of a terrifying outbreak in Kent.

There was a slip-up in the newsletter, which I can only apologise for – there was no link to click right through, but hopefully, you found it here anyway! The results, in any case, were unanimous:

In our latest poll, I'd like to know if you, too, are worried about the manosphere. Click here to vote.

Meanwhile, one regular reader wrote in to respond to last week's Dear Vix problem page, which featured a man confessing he doesn't know how to talk emotionally to his friends:

Regarding your 'Lost in the Crowd' guy in the daily edition: your response is perfect. He'd be amazed how happy men are to talk about 'feelings' when given the opportunity. As you get older, it also becomes easier and there is less mickey-taking.

I have friends I can talk about anything with these days (you kind of have to pick and choose, though – and, as you say, one-to-one is the best approach, certainly at first). Men I never thought would be open to such discussions actually are.

One friend, with whom I'd never had a serious conversation (you won't be surprised to hear he was the witness at my wedding, which is typical!), actually approached me and said that the tough thing he always had to deal with was going home to his wife after we'd met – she would ask him how things were with me and my family, and he could never answer her questions. So he asked if we could have a discussion about 'real stuff'.

And so we did; and at the end he said, "This is great – why haven't we ever done it before?" I told him I had with other friends, but we'd always had our stupid routines and in-jokes and had never got round to it.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that, although I can't say for sure (because I have no idea what his friends are actually like), in nearly all cases I'm certain 'Lost in the Crowd' would be surprised how many of them would be happy to talk, help and empathise – and they are just as likely to want to open up as he is.

And I also very much appreciated this comment from Mick (who also wrote this piece for us during the pandemic):

I thought your piece on vaccinations was very good and very timely. Charlotte Cripps wrote something a few weeks back about how otherwise intelligent people can, as she was, be dragged down the rabbit hole of believing charlatans like Andrew Wakefield (or at least being scared that what they are saying could be true). And how, despite him and others being now totally discredited, their baleful effects still hold resonance.

THIS WEEK...

I'll be marching against the far right in London

Thousands of people are expected to gather in London this Saturday (28 March) from around midday to protest against the rise of the far right – and I'll be one of them.

Spearheaded by Together Alliance – a group of trade unionists, environmentalists, community activists and faith leaders, musicians, athletes, entertainers and elected representatives (and featuring well-known names such as Lenny Henry, Paloma Faith, Paul Weller, Charlotte Church, Brian Eno, Steve Coogan, Billy Bragg and Self Esteem, among many others) – the main march will begin gathering from 12pm on Park Lane.

We've all seen the dangerous rise of the likes of Nigel Farage and Tommy Robinson and their anti-immigrant rhetoric – it's time to fight back. Will you join me?

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