The police have learned nothing from Sarah Everard's murder |
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Do you remember where you were when you heard about the horrific rape and murder of Sarah Everard? Sarah, a 33-year-old marketing executive, was stopped by a man we now know to be Wayne Couzens in London during lockdown in March 2021. Couzens – who is now serving a whole-life term in prison – was a serving police officer at the time and used his position of authority to falsely arrest Sarah. He went on to abduct her, rape her and ultimately take her life. Yet even now, four years later, our police forces do not appear to have learned any lessons at all. Sarah's death was supposed to be a watershed moment – a moment that changed things. It certainly highlighted what we, as women, had known for years: that we check on each other every time we go out and come home, especially at night; that we share the names and addresses of dates with each other "to be safe" and make macabre jokes like "here's where to find my body"; that we swap tips – such as how to carry our keys threaded through our fingers like weapons and getting our phones out early to pre-dial 999 – and that many of us feel unable to go running after dark. We nod with recognition when we talk of that instinctive need to "de-escalate" when we are approached by a man in a bar or on public transport, of only ever being calm and polite – even sweet – in the face of unwanted attention from a stranger. We want to tell them to p*** off and leave us alone, but we do not. We grit our teeth and laugh a bit and smile and hope they get bored. Why? Because we know, instinctively, that to respond in any other way could put us in danger. Then, there are those of us for whom danger comes right to our doorstep. The friends who have been date-raped, drugged; those of us who have checked boyfriends under Clare's Law and called the police to report stalking and harassment. A teenager I know had her drink spiked just this month – she's in her first term at university. I spent a period of time last year having to ask a friend to drop me home and wait with the engine running while I ran around the house turning every light on, checking behind doors and even inside the wardrobes, due to her fear of someone breaking in. Those of us who have experienced violence or sexual attacks at the hands of men – often both at once – recognise these behaviours only too well. We're not fearful of rejection when we go on a first date with a stranger; we're fearful for our lives. That is why the latest report from the Angiolini Inquiry, which was set up in the wake of Sarah's murder, stings. It reveals how badly the British police forces have let women down – even now, with the names of murdered women Sarah Everard, Zara Aleena, Sabina Nessa, Bibaa Henry and Nicole Smallman ringing in their ears. We can only reach one sad conclusion: that when it comes to women's safety, the police simply do not care. Read here to find out exactly what has happened – and do, please, let me know your own experiences. I'd love to know one simple thing: do you have faith in the police? You can write to me at victoria.richards@independent.co.uk – or to my alter-ego, 'Dear Vix', at dearvix@independent.co.uk. |
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Sienna Miller is busting the final pregnancy taboo in plain sight |
Three cheers for "geriatric mother" Sienna Miller, eh? Doesn't she scrub up well! I'm being facetious, of course: at 43, Sienna is far from being an ancient crone, yet that's how she is termed medically – simply for being pregnant over the age of 35 (the terms "lazy uterus" and "inhospitable womb", among others, are also used far too regularly, in case you were in any doubt as to the medical misogyny that still exists today). Yet for all those reasons above, I'm cheering Sienna for strutting her stuff at the Fashion Awards 2025 and showcasing her glorious baby bump on the red carpet. Like her, I was termed a "geriatric mother" by the doctors and midwives when I had my second child relatively late at 35. I felt like I had to hide away. When I was shopping for maternity wear, all I found were giant, wafty caftans and "secret" breastfeeding aprons; vest tops with hidden snap clasps to get your boobs out and huge tents you were expected to smother both yourself and your future baby beneath, so nobody could see you nursing. The idea that a blossoming baby belly is somehow "shameful" or "scandalous" still persists in certain sections of society, thanks perhaps to the legacy of the Victorian era, when women would hide their pregnancies with specially designed maternity corsets loosened with side lacing, layered clothing and empire waistlines. Being visibly pregnant was viewed as "indecent" – and pregnant women were hidden away in "confinement" until their babies were born. Women are still encouraged, implicitly and explicitly, to hide away in the shadows for fear of seeming "past it"; for showing off the horror of not only stretch marks, linea nigra and cellulite, but wrinkles and greying hair, too. We all know that ageism is a problem – you only need to look at the way women are pressured to use Botox and fillers, plus the rise of the "lifted" face, to realise getting older "naturally" in Western society simply isn't an option – but add age to pregnancy and you're really fighting a patriarchal battle. And it's one which, like it or not, we simply can't win. Which is precisely why it is so refreshing to see an older mother like Sienna sticking a middle finger up and refusing to "keep mum". If you are someone who has been pregnant, did you show off your bump or feel some pressure to conceal it? I'd love to know. |
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More for Independent Women |
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The week before last, I asked you: Has anyone ever mansplained to you? Here's what you said (click to read and scroll through to the poll): 100% of respondents said YES! Speaks for itself, doesn't it? In this week's poll, given the damning findings of the Angiolini Inquiry, I'd love to find out how you feel about the police. Click here (and scroll down) to tell me: Do you have faith in the police? A very short 'Your Views' section, this week! Meanwhile, I've had lots of submissions to our problem pages, Dear Vix – I think a lot of people are struggling in the run-up to Christmas. Do, please, get in touch with whatever is on your mind: feedback to this newsletter, thoughts about things you've read, TV, restaurant or book recommendations or just to say hello! |
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I'm eating... You've heard of bottomless prosecco brunches, but have you ever heard of bottomless dim sum? I know – when I was invited to try out the bottomless dim sum brunch at the House of Ming in St James' Court in London, this weekend, I was thrilled. There's not much more I love than dim sum: I recently discovered a little local restaurant close to home which serves up homecooked fresh, steaming parcels in bamboo baskets – and I've become a bit of a regular, as well as a connoisseur. But it felt like an extra-special treat to get to travel up to London to see the Christmas lights, stroll past Buckingham Palace, take a walk through St James' Park and then tuck in to a feast of dumplings, dunked in fresh chilli and scallions. I chose the vegetarian menu and my date, Kat, had the non-vegetarian menu – we gave it our best effort, but only managed three rounds each before we were completely stuffed. Still, it was delicious – the mushroom and truffle dim sum stood out for me, while Kat liked the scallop with golden garlic. Bottomless dim sum is where it's at, believe me (it beats ten glasses of cheap Cava and a bad hangover, any day). |
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This Christmas, we're asking for your help again as we launch our new campaign with the charity Missing People – the SafeCall appeal.
Every year, more than 70,000 children in the UK are reported missing. The misery that follows – for the child, for the family, for the community – is often hidden. Too many of these young people have nowhere to turn when they need help most. SafeCall will change that. Our goal is to raise £165,000 to help Missing People launch this new, free service – designed with the input of young people themselves – offering round-the-clock support, advice and a route to safety."
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