Exclusive: I had a private chat with Kamala Harris – this is what she said |
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I can't quite believe I'm writing this – and I haven't mentioned it anywhere else, because I wanted to save it for you, beloved readers of this newsletter: last week, I had a private chat with former Vice President Kamala Harris. I was taking my daughter, who's 13 – and her friend – to see Vice President Harris "in conversation" with the fantastic feminist writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie at the Southbank Centre. When we arrived, security was sky-high, as you might expect – not least because there was a group of pro-Palestine protesters outside, calling for justice for Gaza and angry that the Biden administration hadn't done enough to stop the bloodshed. I have enormous sympathy for anyone who stands up against (and calls out) the deaths of more than 68,000 Palestinians – and I was interested to see whether the disruption would be addressed by Harris when the event began. But what I wasn't prepared for was that there would be three additional protesters planted in the audience, listening to her speak – and that two of them would be sitting in the seats right next to us. When Harris started talking, they stood up and shouted out, waving homemade placards on white cloth. Security acted immediately, telling us to move out of the way as, first one, then the other, were removed from the auditorium. I'm glad that the teenagers I was responsible for saw politics in action – it enables them to place their heroes in context, to realise that in the murky world of power, no one is blameless. But it was also disruptive and a little frightening – not least when several burly security guards forced their way past our seats to drag the interrupters out, accidentally sitting in our laps as they did so. Moments later, noticing the girls were a little shaken and upset, Harris's team approached us to apologise – and to offer us a backstage meet-and-greet. I know. Without even realising what was happening, we were ushered down the steps while the talk continued, into the green room to wait for Kamala Harris – a world leader, a figure of history, an icon – to come and meet us. And then she did. |
What I saw made me wistful and nostalgic for a future that we didn't get to experience. How different life would be now if Harris were in the White House. What a greatly improved, diverse and tolerant society America would be. What a role model she would be for our children and for women – rather than the sexist, egotistical, divisive disgrace that is Donald Trump. I only hope Harris will do as she's hinted and stand again in 2028. In person, she was warm, considerate and softly spoken. She also spent a good five minutes talking to me and the girls, without giving any sense that she needed to rush off. When my daughter opened with a shocked, "We love you!", she smiled, held their hands, and told them she was so thankful that they'd come to listen – and she seemed to mean it. When my daughter's friend informed her that they'd done a school project about her, but had been told off for "being too political", she laughed wryly. "Well, you know what I have to say about that," she said. "Use your voice, always. Never let anybody silence you – your thoughts or your opinions, right? I think sometimes when people do it, certain people do it to women, right? But you heard what I said out there. And you'll have moments like that, but just know that we're always cheering you on. It's good to have feelings. This is your future. Give it 30 years – this is where being 'too political' gets you. Right here." She was so gracious and so inspiring, I just know it is a moment the girls will remember forever. And if Harris does run for office again – and wins – then they'll know that they heard that inspirational message straight from the mouth of the President of the United States of America (here's hoping). What do you think of Harris's chances? I'm sure you, like me, are just waiting for the day a woman runs the White House – and finally stands up for women. It can't come a moment too soon. You can write to me at victoria.richards@independent.co.uk – or to my alter-ego, 'Dear Vix', at dearvix@independent.co.uk. |
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Why calling someone 'love' isn't a compliment – it's a power play |
This week, we have a special guest slot from writer Hira Ali, who was moved to fury by Mishal Husain's recent interview with Nigel Farage. During the excruciating encounter, the ever-obnoxious Reform UK leader called the veteran broadcaster "love". What made the interview so infuriating wasn't just the politics; it was the tone. It reflected a subtle yet pervasive issue: the use of patronising language to undermine women – particularly women of colour – in public discourse. The repeated "my love" and "you're trying too hard" remarks were not slips of the tongue or harmless familiarity. They were textbook examples of a gendered power play disguised as charm – the kind of rhetoric used to put a woman "back in her place" the moment she pushes back or exercises authority. In my work on allyship – and in my book Her Allies – I refer to this as "demeaning diminutive language", one of the most socially accepted (yet strategically disempowering) forms of misogyny. Words like "love", "dear" or "hun" may sound benign on the surface, but their function is anything but. They: Shrink women while pretending to be endearing Dilute authority Undermine professionalism Reassert hierarchy, politely For Muslim women and women of colour, this lands with a double sting: sexism layered with racialised condescension. The unspoken message that "you don't belong here" becomes louder than the words themselves. These linguistic "micro-permissions" escalate precisely when a woman holds a man to account in public. Farage was not reacting to tone; he was responding to the loss of control. In this case, Husain was pressing him on his inflammatory suggestion that he would "shoot down all Russian planes" that entered Nato airspace – a reckless position that warranted scrutiny. Rather than engage with the argument, he retreated into being patronising. And when a man uses diminutive language in place of reasoned debate, what he is really saying is: "I don't have to respect you to disagree with you." This is not about semantics. It is about who is granted legitimacy in public space, and who is subtly pushed back into compliance. When condescension becomes the substitute for debate, the issue is no longer disagreement – it is entitlement, it is control. And it is long past time we stopped excusing it. Hira Ali is an executive coach, leadership development specialist and speaker; she is also the author of two books: Her Way To The Top: A Guide to Smashing the Glass Ceiling and Her Allies: A Practical Toolkit to Help Men Lead Through Advocacy. Did you watch the interview? And do you have thoughts on language like this? Hira and I would love to know. |
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More for Independent Women |
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Your views... plus: A brand new poll! |
Last week, I asked you: Should Prince Andrew lose his royal title? Here's what you said: 50% of you said yes 50% of you said no An even split, which was pretty surprising. For this week's poll, I'd love to find out how you feel about Kamala Harris. Click here to tell me: Should Kamala Harris run for President in 2028? I also received this fantastic email from Jayne, who wrote in response to last week's news about Prince Andrew. I've just read your piece about 'Prince' Andrew, his title and attitudes to women globally. Despite his denials of wrongdoing, yes – he should be stripped of all his titles and privileges. He needs to pay the price for his betrayal of women and his country. You are correct in saying that, in the first instance, the reaction is not to believe women.
On a separate note, for me, the criminal case involving Gisèle Pelicot was a horrific betrayal of trust, respect and – tragically – was a significant indication of how women are treated by men. I am 67 years old – at least 90 per cent of my friends are in miserable, corrosive relationships with their husbands or male partners. I'm struck by how wide spread this pattern is – it's now a 'thing'; a common phenomenon. Please keep up your excellent work. Your article, for me, was a breath of fresh air. Meanwhile, Christine wrote: Does it REALLY matter whether Andrew (or any other royal) has an assortment of silly titles? The royals are big fish in a VERY small pond. Titles mean nothing outside the UK. And do the royals REALLY think that removing Andrew's titles somehow makes all the other royals appear more 'ethical', somehow? Do they think keeping their distance from Andrew makes them look better? Who do they think they're kidding? I love hearing from you – please do get in touch and tell me what you liked, didn't like (and what you'd like to see more of) in this newsletter. |
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I'm listening to... Let's face it – we're all exclusively listening to Lily Allen this week, aren't we? I am, anyway. What an album. Such sweet revenge! I sent a link to West End Girl to every woman I know, along with the message: "Listen to this from start to finish, like an audiobook. Every woman should have this album at number one on their playlist – absolute fire." To say I feel "seen" would be an understatement. I also wrote this week about how Lily is spot on – dating over 40 is horrific. And I really enjoyed this review by my friend and colleague, the brilliant music critic Roisin O'Connor. |
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