Who are you calling 'Piggy', Mr President? |
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I'm back from Botswana! And I have so much to tell you all… (namely: the absolutely stunning landscape and animals, my first-ever helicopter ride into camp, the warmth and love shown to us by our incredible hosts – not to mention being driven around the bush by the first female African Bush Camps guide in Botswana, plus my all-encompassing fear of being eaten alive by either lions or bugs) – but first: Donald Trump's latest cock-up. Yes, the US president has "done a sexism". Another one, to add to the long, long list of unsavoury ways he's talked about women in the past, from bragging about how when you're famous you can "grab 'em by the p***y" to calling Whoopi Goldberg "filthy, dirty and disgusting". This time, Trump was onboard Air Force One when a female journalist asked him a question about the Epstein files, so he attempted to hush her with two words: "Quiet Piggy" – plus a patronising finger-waggle. Let the bitter, biting tongues of feminists everywhere unleash: because my goodness, isn't it time for the US president to get better insults? "Quiet Piggy" sounds like something you'd hear ringing out in school corridors, screeched by that not-very-funny kid who drops it and runs (because he knows you'll run after him). "Quiet Piggy" is… well, I guess it's insulting, in a "Miss Piggy" comparison way – but it's not very new or inventive. It's hackneyed and lazy, presumably based on that age-old easy target: our weight. Trust us, Trump, we've heard it all before. The US president's transparent 'war on women' continues – but his latest silly schoolboy snark isn't big and it certainly isn't clever. Isn't it time for old men like Trump to give it up altogether? Or at least get better insults? If you're going to roast us, at least be smart about it. Be funny. This dry, basic, sexist shtick is getting very boring. I watched the film Wicked Little Letters (starring Olivia Colman) for the first time on the long flight back from Cape Town on Saturday – and there were some hilarious killer insults in that, dating back to the 1920s. The film is based on the real-life poison pen scandal that rocked the sleepy town of Littlehampton, Sussex – including a libel case that went to trial between two warring neighbours, Edith Swan and Rose Gooding. Here are some of my favourite lines that were found in the obscene anonymous letters (perhaps the president could give some of these a try next time?): You great big f*****g onion! Piss-country old stinker with s*** hair! You bloody f*****g old saggy sack of chicken piss. You old beetle! You pasty old shrivelled old piss-bastard! You old steaming bag of wet, leaking s***! Your arse is bigger than the moon and your cat wants a good f****** burning, too! I reckon. You stupid big stinker! You mangy old titless turnip! See? If I were Donald Trump's teacher, I'd tell him to try a lot harder than "Quiet Piggy"… Do you have any favourite insults? I'd love to hear them! You can write to me at victoria.richards@independent.co.uk – or to my alter-ego, 'Dear Vix', at dearvix@independent.co.uk. Also, do write in and tell me if you've ever been on safari – I'd love to swap notes. In terms of the 'big five', we saw: lions, leopards, a cheetah, elephants (and some incredible African wild dogs). I highly recommend trying out the Atzaró Okavango camp in the Okavango Delta – it's a luxury, five-star 'in the bush' experience – but it's also raw and confronting, too. |
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Princess Beatrice has said the quiet part out loud |
It's not often I look to the royals for advice or validation, but this week Princess Beatrice – daughter of the disgraced former prince, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, and his ex-wife Sarah Ferguson – really nailed it on motherhood. She was speaking about having her daughter, Athena Elizabeth Rose, prematurely on 22 January. She's joined forces with the premature baby charity Borne to raise awareness of the impact on children – and mothers – affected by premature birth, and made this poignant statement: "I think so often, especially as mums, we spend our lives, you know, feeling we have to be perfect to do this. And sometimes, when you are faced with that moment of learning that your baby's going to come a bit early, it can be incredibly lonely." Amen to that. I didn't have a premature baby, but my niece was born three-and-a-half weeks early, before my sister-in-law had even started to pack her hospital bag. A close friend's son was two whole months early; another friend's daughter was premature and spent weeks in a neonatal intensive-care unit. According to statistics from the pregnancy and birth charity Tommy's, every year in the UK alone 60,000 babies are born prematurely, which equates to one in 13 births. But the unique loneliness of new parenthood? That I can completely identify with: the loss of self, the loss of routine, the loss of structure and sense of identity. That's (partly) why I get so enraged when I hear criticism of mothers speaking about their experiences; lifting the lid on the dark and difficult side to child-rearing; talking about the tears and the tedium as well as the happiness and relief. It can be a truly isolating and frightening time – for as much as there is joy (so much joy) there is fear and pain, too. I'm so grateful to Princess Beatrice for speaking her authentic mother-truth. It benefits us all to do it – and to listen to and support other women. I'd love to hear yours? |
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More for Independent Women |
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The week before last, I asked you: Should you ever reply to trolls? Here's what you said: 75% of you said no, not worth it! 25% of you said yes, we need to teach them a lesson! It also prompted some thoughtful responses from you on email – read on to hear from some regular readers. In this week's poll, I'd love to find out how you feel about Trump's latest outburst. Click here and scroll to the poll to tell me: Would you be offended if a man called you 'Piggy'? Your views… While I was away, I received this lovely and supportive email from Nancy, in response to some of the comments female journalists receive at the bottom of their articles: "I'm sorry you have to deal with such online trolling, never doubt the value of the work you do and the voice you have. N x." Meanwhile, Louisa had a 'toughen-up' stance on trolling, which I respect (even if I don't necessarily agree – thank you though, Louisa!): "I've just read your column and at your request, I'm writing to give my opinion – which I have got to say I don't think you'll like! Of the three quotes you gave, one was clearly tongue in cheek and the others quite mild. I'm a woman who worked in the 1970s, 1980s and 1990s and actually comments of this type were quite common and mostly we just ignored them or rose above them – thinking, 'he's a prat' – and then we just carried on. The other comment about no one wanting to 'shag you' is – however – totally unacceptable and should be called out, but getting upset by a daft comment like 'sounds like it won't have much content beyond fashion tips' is just not worth the time or effort. I think that women today have become too sensitive and if we're not careful this could set us back decades. Work is tough, life is tough – and we need to toughen up again and become more resilient." And Debbie wrote all the way from Canada to say: "I'm a regular reader of your newsletter. I'm a Brit now living in Alberta, Canada. I just wanted to say I appreciate the work you do – it's important. It's also important (to me, at least) that you are not behind a paywall. This week in Alberta, a news report came out highlighting the fact that domestic abuse is reaching a five-year high. It's high here anyway, but this is shocking. As an older woman, I have never seen such a concerted attack on girls and women and on women's rights designed to silence our voices and marginalise our lives, health and experiences. Please – keep doing what you do. Stand up, speak out and don't read the comments!" Chris also wrote to me to offer kind words and a hug (I'll take you up on that virtual hug, Chris!): "As a 70-year-old male coming to the end of his life, I read your article and it fills me with yet more sorrow. I kind of worked it out back in the 1970s: we're all the same, we're all different. It's wonderful. I'm a lifelong old-fashioned feminist, apparently. Why on earth would having a female boss be an issue in my life? Never much thought about it until others commented. Then the skin colour issue arrived. And let's not forget ageism, in all this! It made no sense then – it makes no sense now. WE SHOULD HAVE MOVED ON YEARS AGO. (Sorry, I'm ranting). I demand the right to like or dislike you for you being you. Not because you are: Tall
Short
Fat (if I may be allowed)
Thin
Brunette
Blond
Long hair
Short hair
Or you were blue on Thursdays... etc It is, at my age, so sad that it still goes on. So, a very big thanks for you carrying on the fight. You shouldn't have needed to. I feel my generation let the race down. I've spent my life attempting to talk logic to prejudice. What a pointless exercise that was. At least I tried – but small crumbs. I write, as you suggested it. If I may be permitted, have a hug." Meanwhile, Brian Conn, a writer who's 92, wrote: "I would like to say how much I enjoy your column. I am a 92-year-old man and am appalled at the attitudes from some men to women – I have been for years. I have hoped to see a change, but I think it's deep within them almost from birth: father to son. It is a hatred – perhaps explained by jealousy – as women are far better survivors in times of trouble, due to their ability to support one another. In many cases, I think they are far more intelligent. More women than ever are living together, happily free from coercive behaviour, than ever before. I am a writer and have four novels on Amazon about women finding love and support in each other. They don't sell. The competition is huge on Amazon and one is lucky if they get even looked at. Nevertheless, it is a joy writing them and I find it easy to write from a woman's point of view. My wife and I love 'Riot Women' and are looking forward to the next series. It says it all, as far as men go." I love hearing from you – please do get in touch and tell me what you liked, didn't like (and what you'd like to see more of) in this newsletter. |
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The November Independent Women's Book Club is.... Liars, by Sarah Manguso. I haven't been able to put down this stunning title since I started it: it is immense, not just in topic – but in form. Beautiful and stinging fiction/memoir/prose/poetry, detailing all of the exquisite harm and pain we cause each other within the intimacy of a marriage. The narrator watches her husband reveal his web of lies after 14 years together – there's gaslighting, narcissism, attempts to rewrite history and a hell of a lot of fury. If you've ever been through a terrible betrayal, this is the book for you. I think every woman should read it! |
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