I went into labour in a ward covered in cockroaches

I went into labour in a ward covered in cockroaches

When I went into labour with my daughter in 2012, the first place I was told to go was to triage. Triage, as it turned out, was in a drafty bit of Whipps Cross University Hospital, in East London, close to the carpark – it was February and freezing. I was already a few centimetres dilated. As I hauled myself uncomfortably on to a bed, attempting to breathe the way they'd taught us in antenatal classes at the very same hospital, I happened to glance at the floor and saw it was abuzz with cockroaches.

I would have recoiled if I wasn't (quite literally) distracted by having a baby, but I didn't have time to feel disgusted. It was only a year later, when I read that our hospital had been branded "dirty and unsafe" by the Care Quality Commission (CQC) and was ordered to make urgent changes, that I began to think again about the insects. Cockroaches and visible dirt shouldn't be part of any woman's "birth experience", but they were part of mine.

Fast forward 12 years and not only have things not changed much, nationally – but in some areas they've got even worse. A groundbreaking preliminary report has revealed this week that the scale of "unacceptable NHS maternity care" in England has reached epic proportions, with a staggering 748 recommendations made in the past decade alone.

Baroness Valerie Amos, who is leading the investigation into maternity care in England and who will publish her final report with recommendations in the spring, said "nothing prepared" her for "the scale of unacceptable care that women and families have received, and continue to receive, the tragic consequences for their babies, and the impact on their mental, physical and emotional wellbeing". She said change was "necessary and urgent" and doesn't understand why it has been so slow, adding: "Why are we in England still struggling to provide safe, reliable maternity and neonatal care everywhere in the country?"

I'll tell you why: because women's health has been (and continues to be) consistently undermined and deprioritised in the system, as well as devalued and belittled – and it's been this way for decades. Medical misogyny and gaslighting is alive and kicking, both in the patronising language used in healthcare (from "geriatric mothers" to "lazy uteruses") and in medication (with women told passing out due to period pain is "normal for women"). A survey three years ago found hundreds of women forced to endure "barbaric" and "inhumane" pain while undergoing hysteroscopy tests after being denied pain relief options and because anaesthetists were not available.

Then, there are the everyday, dismissive assumptions, often made by male doctors, that "women have been giving birth for thousands of years". One consultant recently rolled his eyes at me when I had to go for an urgent breast cancer clinic check-up (thankfully, all was fine) and said he didn't know "why I'd bothered" to come in. The implication, whether it's said aloud or not, is: "What's all the fuss about?" If there is, truly, a "two-tier system" in this country – a line so often trotted out – then it is right here in women's health.

Read here to find out exactly what was found in the report – and do, please, share your own experiences in hospital, giving birth or otherwise. 

You can write to me at victoria.richards@independent.co.uk – or to my alter-ego, 'Dear Vix', at dearvix@independent.co.uk. 

Hands up if you're doing Santa's job for him?

I screamed like a banshee this morning at my poor teenage daughter and her best friend about Christmas being "inherently patriarchal". They edged out of the door and down the path to get away from me and off to school, leaving me shrieking something along the lines of: "You're feminists – you'll find out, one daaaaaaay..." – Merry Christmas, kids!

I mean it, though. I was particularly struck by it this morning after a conversation about advent calendars. I've heard quite a few of the teenagers musing on how lovely it is that their mums (!) create personal advent calendar pockets for them – filling them with little treats picked out according to their tastes and preferences – every morning of December. My own daughter suggested she'd quite like one from me, actually, to add to the one her great-aunt lovingly makes for her every year. Well, I have bad news, I'm afraid!

I do the bulk of the work at Christmas – just like every single other woman (mother or not) I know. We overwhelmingly bear the brunt of buying the presents, sending cards, doing the wrapping, sneaking into bedrooms late at night to leave "Santa's" stocking and cooking the Christmas dinner. And do we get recognition for it? Do we heck. Nope: Father Christmas (a man) gets all the credit, while we've worked frantically all month behind the scenes – unrecognised, unheard, unpaid and invisible – to make it magical.

And it is patriarchal, I'm afraid. Research consistently shows that women handle the majority of domestic labour and the mental load – we perform significantly more daily chores, childcare and household management than men (67 per cent more, to be precise). But now a new study from the University of Bath has also revealed that even successful career women still shoulder the majority of the "mental load" at home; that mothers remain primarily responsible for the administrative "thinking work" in households, even if they have more money and less available time. Having a well-paid job and higher earnings might reduce the amount of physical housework you do, but not your cognitive labour – the planning, remembering and organising that keep family life running. And it all takes its toll, leading to stress, anxiety, irritability, sleep loss and burnout.

These "unseen" jobs we women do only ramp up in December – so adding an extra, personalised, one-present-a-day advent calendar on top of all that? No chance. I salute those who manage it and I wish I could gift you a well-earned rest. Mine will be getting basic chocolate advent calendars from now on, if they're lucky.

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Over to you...

Last week, I asked you: Do you have faith in the police?

Here's what you said (click to read and scroll through to the poll):

100% of respondents said No! Uh oh, a pretty damning indictment there...

In this week's poll, given the initial findings of Baroness Amos' report, I'd love to find out how you feel about our NHS hospitals. Click here (and scroll down to the poll box in the middle) to tell me: Did you have a positive experience in hospital giving birth?

One reader with the handle Dr Strangelove has already shared her difficult experience:

My own personal and horrific experience giving birth at the hands of the NHS has left with me so much trauma, 11 years on, that I can't even speak about it. It was so bad that we decided to get private healthcare that day onwards, which gave us huge financial setbacks – we had to abandon many of our goals, but it was worth it. And our two younger children were both delivered privately, which turned out not just to be a blessing – but lifesaving. My youngest's birth resulted in my being in ICU for eight days due to surgery complications and nearly dying. I dread to think what that would've looked like under the care of the NHS – the nurses who also split their time 50/50 working with the NHS told me it would've been horrific. My heart goes out to all of the women who have no such choice but to continue to rely on the NHS for maternity care. I would go so far as to say, if we haven't been able to afford private healthcare, we might've considered moving abroad - that's how damning my feelings are about it.

And Roz sent me this message detailing her horrific maternity care experience during Covid:

The first night after my son was born, four weeks early, I was told in no uncertain terms by the midwife that I was to get up and change my son's nappy, as there was no-one available to help me. I'd just had a planned emergency caesarean and was completely alone (my partner wasn't allowed to stay, yet he could've gone to the pub with six mates... thanks, Boris): yet all she could tell me, angrily, was that they were horrifically understaffed. I needed help. I couldn't even stand, at this point, having just undergone major abdominal surgery – but hey, we're women and we're just supposed to get on with it! The whole experience still haunts me.

Do, please, get in touch (victoria.richards@independent.co.uk) with whatever is on your mind: feedback to this newsletter, thoughts about things you've read, TV, restaurant or book recommendations or just to say hello!

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This week...

I'm feeling...

Slightly overwhelmed, to be honest with you. The number of seasonal commitments are ratcheting up and not only do I have things like the local primary school Christmas jumper day, school carol concerts, the Crisis at Christmas carol concert, office parties and the British Journalism Awards in my diary – but I've also offered to host TWO huge dinners: one, for the school friends I've known for 35 years; and another for a beloved group of journalist friends who are travelling up from Wales to London to be there. I've been cooking and recooking to practice my menus, but have yet to decide on a suitably vegan feast (most of the journos are vegan). Any tips?

Meanwhile, I have about a billion presents to wrap and some cheesy Christmas films to catch up on – we haven't even done our annual household showing of the Muppets Christmas Carol, yet (though I did watch the "so bad it's good" Champagne Problems romcom on Netflix the other day and can thoroughly recommend it, as long as you embark on it with the full knowledge that it's terrible). Plus, I can't forget the furry man in my life, China the cat – luckily, he was gifted an incredible hamper out of the blue from Lily's Kitchen (thank you, Lily!) and now thinks all his Christmasses have come at once. Miowy Christmas!

Are you stressed or surviving? Or even thriving? I'd love to know how...

"At The Independent, we've always believed journalism should do more than describe the world – it should try to improve it.

This Christmas, we're asking for your help again as we launch our new campaign with the charity Missing People – the SafeCall appeal.

Every year, more than 70,000 children in the UK are reported missing. The misery that follows – for the child, for the family, for the community – is often hidden. Too many of these young people have nowhere to turn when they need help most. SafeCall will change that. Our goal is to raise £165,000 to help Missing People launch this new, free service – designed with the input of young people themselves – offering round-the-clock support, advice and a route to safety."

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