Are age-gap relationships any of our business?

Is 10 years too much to stand in the way of love? How about 15? Or even 31?

There's nothing quite as heated as public opinion about age gaps – and if the new Netflix dating show, Age of Attraction, is anything to go by, it's enough of a controversy to warrant an entire reality TV series. I watched it (for research purposes only, you understand!) and was struck by a moment when one of the contestants, 27-year-old Vanelle, discovers the age of her beau-to-be, Jorge.

Forget the eye-wateringly unreal setting (the pair are sitting in a makeshift "promise room" in a secluded spot in Whistler, Canada); forget that they both willingly signed up to appear on a show featuring extreme age-gap relationships in the first place: Vanelle's gasp, when she hears that her boyfriend is 60, is palpable.

"Jorge's literally the same age as my parents!" she quivers, her hand clapped over her mouth. Jorge's reaction, however, couldn't be more delighted. "27?! Man! Age ain't nothing but a number…"

It was with this image in mind – Vanelle's gasp, Jorge's self-knowing shrug, his laughter and clear glee – that I turned to a recent story in the headlines, that of former Sky Sports presenter Richard Keys and his lawyer wife, Lucie Rose – who's 31 years his junior.

He is 68, she is 37; yet the pair seem deliriously happy, despite a pretty murky start to their relationship. Keys had already been married for 34 years, you see, to Julia – who filed for divorce in 2016, following her thyroid cancer diagnosis and after news of his relationship with Lucie first broke.

The optics were not in Keys' favour: he'd already been hauled off air as a football anchor alongside Andy Gray after making sexist comments about female officials and the West Ham chair Karren Brady; his wife was unwell and yet – as he told The Telegraph this week – when he met Lucie woozily at a bar in Qatar, after taking an accidental double-dose of blood pressure medication, he says he "knew" he wanted to be with her.

Keys insists he's "not a love rat" and denies reports that his (now) wife was his daughter Jemma's best friend at the time they met. He says he "doesn't feel" their substantial age gap and "never has" (though a particularly delicious part of the interview is when Lucie interrupts him with: "That's because you're my adult toddler…"). He also hints that he might like to become a father again because he now has "more time".

I wrote about my own conflicting feelings about their relationship here – but would be fascinated to hear yours. I, personally, find it hard to separate my feelings about the man who once asked Jamie Redknapp if he "smashed it" (referring to his sexual relationship with a woman); the same man who said women couldn't possibly understand the offside rule – as well as multiple other instances of "dinosaur" sexism – to be able to say with a clear conscience that their age gap doesn't bother me. Not that it's any of my business, of course. Is it?

Get in touch

You can write to me about anything you like. I'll feature some of the emails sent in, alongside guest pieces from writers who want to have their say. Send it straight to me at victoria.richards@independent.co.uk.

Or, if you want advice on love, work, family and relationships, email me at dearvix@independent.co.uk.

News that Barry Keoghan is "hiding away" due to relentless face trolling about his appearance – and it is making him reconsider his future in acting – is just the latest reminder that the playing field when it comes to beauty standards for men and women is levelling out. Some people might think it's about time that men are held to the same standards as women when it comes to their looks. I consider it more of an empty victory.

Jesy Nelson and the truth about bringing up a disabled child in a world obsessed with 'perfect' parenthood

Jesy Nelson, the former Little Mix singer, has highlighted the emotional, physical and practical realities of raising children with rare conditions in a new Amazon documentary, Jesy Nelson: Life after Little Mix. Nelson gave birth to twin daughters prematurely at 31 weeks last May, and earlier this year revealed that both had been diagnosed with the genetic neuromuscular disease, Spinal Muscular Atrophy Type 1 (SMA1). Since then, she has been sharing regular updates with fans, detailing how her daughters require feeding tubes and may never walk. In this moving piece, my colleague Olivia Petter explores why such cases are increasing and speaks to other parents about the challenges and unexpected joys of raising children with disabilities.

Inside Babies, the heartbreaking BBC drama about the toll of miscarriage

There are some things I find so tough to watch that I tend to avoid them (strangely, the latest BBC adaptation of Lord of the Flies didn't appeal to me for this reason – I knew it would be confronting and hard, so I didn't want to watch it… did I miss out?). But when it comes to Babies, a drama about miscarriage, I can't look away. Too many women I know have experienced losing pregnancies – some of them multiple times. And Babies promises to explore sensitively the cultural anxieties we all carry around fertility, as it follows a couple in their mid-thirties struggling to conceive. Click here to read more.

As is customary for actors auditioning to play people in love, Paapa Essiedu and Siobhán Cullen underwent a chemistry test. But the scene was not a flirty meet-cute or a moment of intimate tenderness. Instead, says Essiedu, "It was this big and long, quite horrible argument – and that's how they wanted to see how well we got on." Seeing the two of them fight would serve as an apt litmus test for Babies, the new BBC drama in which Essiedu, 35, and Cullen, 36, play a couple whose relationship is rocked by a series of crushing miscarriages. 

I'm 60 and these three brutal life mistakes changed everything

This honest piece by Bibi Lynch really moved me. At 60, she writes about how she has no home, no husband, and no children – but she refuses to call anything in her life "a failure." On reaching a milestone birthday, Bibi is determined to make her next chapter her most spectacular yet. Click here to read more about the three major "mistakes" she feels have brought her to where she is today…

I finally washed up on the shores of Hove, East Sussex. It was where I could afford to live and while it's gorgeous and chi-chi here, she's not my London. My belongings are here but my heart is not. And the future? As my peers celebrate paying off their mortgage, I'll be selling a kidney so I can keep making my rent. Having zero security – and having to try to find work until the day I die – is terrifying and not a little depressing. Thank God my sertraline prescription is now free. Of course, my housing situation wouldn't have been so bad if I'd had a partner. About that. Now on to mistake number two…

I am a few months from turning 65, here in Canada. I live with my 33-year-old son, whereas my daughter is on her own and married. My daughter is very helpful and supportive, as is my son (but to a quieter degree).

In 2020, my common law wife died from Alzheimers, I was two weeks into my 59th year. I was laid off from my job in early 2022, then laid off again in August 2023.

I drink every day and smoke – the drinking is a lifelong habit, passed down from family. I am living off meagre savings that will run out within six months. My son does help financially a bit, but I am looking at the prospect of living with my daughter for survival and monetary help.

I'm losing any self worth I had as a man or human being and any grain of self respect/pride/independence. I tend to be very stubborn in accepting help, as I feel asking for help is a sign of weakness. I also have heart issues where I've been told that to lessen the chance of a stroke, I need to quit drinking.

I keep telling myself that all I want is PEACE AND CONTENTMENT – but while writing this letter, I feel that pigs will fly first. I'm getting quite tired of digging through the s**t to get to the gold. It feels like one step forward, three steps back.

Are age-gap relationships always wrong?

Last week, I asked you whether you, too, are worried about the manosphere.

In our latest poll, I'd like to know if you think age-gap relationships are right, wrong – or none of our business. Click here to vote.

Meanwhile, quite a few of you wrote in to respond to a piece I wrote about Meghan Markle (like her or loathe her, you can't fault her for being a ballsy businesswoman) and to tell me what you think of the interview I ran last week with an OnlyFans content creator, who was telling me what she thinks of the manosphere. Some of the messages I got were on the spicy side – to say the least! Still, if you write in, you'll always get featured (that's both a promise and a threat!):

Imagine sticking up for women who just s**t around then call me losers lmao. Who's the one really getting used on onlyfans lmao. S***s will be s***s.

Dj Holguin

I was really grateful to a Japanese reader who wrote in with a translated message to share her own experience of phone addiction, after I wrote about "Bricking" mine:

I translated and read your article, "How I cured my phone addiction and got four hours of my life back every day." That's why I'm emailing you. My name is Mikan. I'm a Japanese author. I found your article very interesting – thank you for the great piece. You might be wondering how I, a Japanese person, found an article from an overseas web media outlet. I'm raising awareness in Japan about smartphone addiction and promoting digital detox and a return to analogue.

I was born in 1994 and am 31 years old. I bought my first smartphone when I was 19 and was addicted to it for about four years. I realised it was harming my health, so I did a digital detox and returned to analogue. I stopped using my smartphone and now use a flip phone with physical buttons and a computer. I also stopped using video and music streaming services and now collect physical media like CDs and DVDs (in Japan, there are video rental stores and DVD shops, and going there once a week is one of my hobbies).

I write notes, schedules, and letters by hand in a paper notebook with a pen. Instead of using my smartphone camera, I bought a camera, develop photos, and make albums. I read paper books and magazines. Although everything is now consolidated on smartphones, I'm consciously replacing them with analogue things. It takes more effort than digital alternatives, but I feel more at ease; it's good for my mental health. I've even written a book about my experience, called "I Want to Stop Being a Slave to My Smartphone."

Please write more articles on this topic.

Mikan Oshidari, Tokyo, Japan

And finally, thank you, Stephen, Liz and Bogdan, for these much nicer missives on the manosphere:

A really interesting article ("They're losers': What an OnlyFans star really thinks of the manosphere"). Keep up the good work!

Stephen

My advice? Ship them in a Muskorocket big enough to hold all the men on earth and fly it to the moon and let them build a new colony of Muskateers. They want to be together – give them the space. Who needs them? 

Liz

Your article put a smile on my face. Thank you for that. Getting bored a bit at work I took a short break with this article and made me to keep thinking: how it would be if…

I am a man in my middle age. Most men are insecure, especially because women are the strong sex. You are seven times more resistant to pain (of course, you are mothers!) and you are able to have multiple orgasms… I envy you for that! Yet for some reason, throughout history, women have been oppressed. I have been for a long time in an open relationship and as you said – it has to be open on both sides. This is the only fair way… if you are not afraid of losing "your" woman….or not being man enough.

Bogdan

THIS WEEK...

I went on the march against the far-right (with 500,000 others)

And boy, was it brilliant. Sure, it took a while to get going – we were stuck at the back of the protest, waiting patiently for about two hours before people started moving forwards – but the atmosphere was incredible. The police seemed relaxed, there were no bad-faith operators from the far right interspersed in the crowd anywhere near us, the sun was shining, and the signs (and songs, and drums) were out in force – as well as very witty. It was peaceful but emotive; calm but glittering with purpose… and rage. It left me confident that if or when we need to mobilise to see off any real threat (such as a future far-right government armed with policies that threaten our communities), we will rise.

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